Our small band of Gunters here in The DreamCage universe are reviewing every film mentioned in Ernest Cline's Ready Player One. This week, Steve Taylor-Bryant asks "Why does it always have to be snakes"...
[This article is guaranteed serpent-free - Ed]
I'll start this with a confession. There are parts of all the Indiana Jones films I have never and will never watch. Snakes, why does it always have to be snakes. These scenes will not get a mention. I know, the big baby is scared of something that can't touch him because it's on a film. Tough! Not watching those scenes just to write for you lot, and besides the fact I love all the Indiana Jones films (we aren't including Kingdom of the Crystal Skull right?) and have never watched the snakes scenes proves they aren't warranted and have zero effect on the plot. Now this confession is out of the way let's crack on with film one, Han Solo versus the Empire...
The year is 1936. Renowned archaeologist and expert in the occult, Dr. Indiana Jones, is hired by the U.S. Government to find the Ark of the Covenant, which is believed to still hold the ten commandments and, with them, the ability to rule the world. Unfortunately, agents of Hitler are also after the Ark. Cue a "race against time" journey across the world (by aeroplane map and straight lines) from Nepal to Egypt and a lot of digging in the wrong place.
If there is any of you alive today that after viewing Raiders of the Lost Ark didn't immediately want to be a archaeologist then you are either a very good liar or you didn't actually watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. I was eight years old when I first saw Raiders. For the next 8 years I had a fascination with all things archaeological, until I discovered girls. Bloody women, always been my downfall with their beauty and ability to drink gin. I wanted a whip, I wanted a hat, even when I found out archaeologists don't have whips and hats I thought they should and I when I grew up to be an archaeologist I would definitely rock a fedora. Ah, growing up the other downfall in my life. Bills, kids, dentists telling me off for smoking, lying to my own kids about broccoli like my father lied to me. Even though I did grow up and become a family man and now have my own responsibility to pay bills and keep my family safe all that 'adulthood' nonsense disappears as soon as Raiders of the Lost Ark begins. Harrison Ford is rarely better in anything, the cast is supremely talented and whoever picked each actor for their respective role is deserving of any award Spielberg has ever won. The soundtrack is phenomenal, I've always been a John Williams fan, but I hold the score of Indy films in a higher regard than even Star Wars. The whole package is just the stuff dreams are made of. Mundane day job by day but adventure awaits in your down time. The girl, the humour, the battles with the Nazi's, the mythology of places and items, there is not one weak aspect of Raiders.
As Belloq says "what a fitting end to your life's pursuits". My pursuit of archaeological work ended at 16 but it continues albeit briefly every single time Indiana Jones is on my screen, which is less time than your screen because snakes.
Follow Steve on Twitter @STBwrites
Image - Amazon