Music - Now That's What I Call 1988


Steve Taylor-Bryant was thirteen in 1988. You'd think he would have grown up by now! Anyway, because we can't stop him, here's his thoughts on 1988. Our apologies for his wanton abuse of history...

So that was 1988? It tasted funny. Like when fish fingers changed from being 100% cod to just “fish”. 1988 seemed like a strange year, whilst I had lots of fun the rest of the world didn’t seem to. A nasty disease called Perry’s Trokya was on the news. Apparently, it means Russia loses Hungary and a man must live with a coffee stain on his head, illnesses are weird. An American soldier man has stolen some gold or something, President Reagan got in trouble for it, Olly was the soldiers name, Olly North. Strange name.

McDonalds opened a take away in Yugoslavia which for some reason was a big deal, I don’t like the secret Big Mac sauce and I’m pretty sure the Yugoslav people will start a war when they realise how yukky it is. An aeroplane got hijacked and the gunmen wanted some Shiite people in exchange for the passengers and now I’m worried I’ll be one of them because Mr Harris my French teacher says I’m Shiite all the time! Over in chocolate country, Switzy Land I think it’s called, big clever people are discussing a World Wide Web idea. Now I’ve seen a lot of Spider-Man and I’m telling you there isn’t enough webbing to cover the whole world so don’t worry it won’t come to anything. Science dudes are so uptight, they need more pancakes.

There was a big concert at Wembley Stadium this year for a man called Nelson. He didn’t even turn up! Mum says he’s grounded but if your grounded for your own birthday you must have been hellish naughty. I bet he scratched his dad’s car or something. At least Wembley had something going on because the football has been rubbish! There was a big crash up the road at Rammstein Air Base as well, the Italian version of the Red Arrows hit each other. Not as awesome as it sounds. It’s also a good job that the world will never rely on computers because some man in America, he’s called Morris like my grandads’ car, put a worm in a computer and it caused all sorts of problems. Worms are slimy things and if it effects a computer like it effected Barry Jones when I put one down his back then that computer will tell my mum and I’ll be grounded for months.

The Americans showed the world a cool plane called a Stealth Bomber, it’s pretty awesome and can be invisible like Wonder Woman’s but let’s face it it’s no Firefox is it. I wonder if they’ll let Clint Eastwood fly it? He’s wicked cool.

It was sad and happy in the music world. Sad because a Bee Gee died and that cool dude with the shades, Roy Orbiting or something. Mum cried bless her, she cries at anything mind you. Nico died, huge news over here in Germany, Billy Daniels and Vet Boswell as well but it was mainly Roy and the Bee Gee bloke that made mum cry. Happy though because I got to listen to some really cool stuff, R.E.M and Wet Wet Wet were super awesome, and I really liked Lita Ford as well she’s pretty.

Anyway, I’ve got French homework to do so my teacher doesn’t swap my Shiite for someone else.

femme la bouche jambon!

Image - LikeTotally80s.

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